Well, I would not say things got worse in the past weeks. Things had been bad, but everything always goes both ways. As we once always said : "We have good news, and bad news."
The ignorance she gave me no doubt brought despair to me, knowing we could end up being back to strangers. The good things is, the few days of silent had me making a lot of thinking, constructive ones of course. Thoughts of the past and current, my and her action, our attitudes and personalities, mindsets and plannings, it all taken into account.
I found out that, yes we do share a lot of similarities in terms of personalities. But when it comes to mindsets, we both share different way of life. I wanted to live a simple life, where nothing else matters except happiness, despite whether are we in poverty or wealth. "You only live once", a famous quote use by everyone. What else would matters more than seeking to live a life that you will never regret, life of enjoyment for the better or worse, life of excitement for the joy and pain. What matters the most is make your every day meaningful while you still can, wealth can be the second tier.
Meanwhile, you would prefer a financially secure life. Before your youth ends, you would prefer to fight to be successful in your career. You would like to make sure that you could retired early from being an employee, and spending the next chapter of your life being a employer instead. I don't see any wrong in those thinking, but I just think that life is so much more than that.
Not everything will goes as smooth as what we want, and sometimes we have to accept the facts and act accordingly. But never let this to be an excuse for us to be slacking from reality and stop chasing for our own dreams. The thing is, we have to learn not to be bull-headed on the things that were never meant to be ours, and learn to move on.
As an example, I dreamed of having a simple relationship where we could just be together without worrying about anything else but happiness. Sharing the same enjoyment of life instead of being in the rat race of life. Somehow, not everything you wish for comes true. Here I am in love with this girl now who shared something different from me. Isn't it ironic.
How would I put this? Her life had been near perfect with the charming looks, strong personalities, smart attitudes, supportive families, pampering friends, financially capable and tons of admirers. As on the other hand, I am just silly looking, weird personalities, dumb attitudes, happy go lucky and simple guy who struggling day to day to make sure I would be financially carefree in the future. What I have is just tons of lovely and supportive friends who treasure me and a troublesome family who always be there for me. Maybe I am just out of your league I suppose.
But I do believe the perfectness of you is just the view and looks of outsiders, somewhere deep in you, maybe these are not the things you are seeking for. I am not you, I am not in the place to judge who you are.
Today you once remind me again how stupid I had became. To be madly in love and afraid of losing, I tried so hard to impress you, losing myself to desperate and negatives, end up pushing you away. But after the few days of brain storming, is never too late to move back my own path. Mother nature is always so beautiful with natural beings. So of courses, things that happened unexpectedly yet naturally would always be the best moments. I am back to my own self, that would prefer to spend time knowing you than trying to woo you. Let's sit back and watch what happens next. If we never meant to be, what for forcing right? Definitely, the best are yet to come, and we could still be friends, and maybe best friends! The Aquarius Duo!
Meanwhile, I would just do what I do best, be crazy and stupid, be random and energetic, that is how my charm come from I suppose.
"Don't worry be happy" I would say.
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